The Hidden Edge

This You Tube link is quite a long one so I have placed it at the front of this Blog.  It’s the sort of music that you will be able to read and listen to at the same time … that is, if you don’t get mesmerised by the visual graphics. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMWAMhLyn58 

I have been threatening to write this Blog for three weeks!  But I have been putting it off!  Actually it is not the link to a slightly depressing subject matter, rather the fact that I live in the moment.  Let me explain! 

Three weeks ago, Mark Pitcher challenged us to write our epitaph.  What would we like to be said about us at our funeral?  He asserted that this would really put our visions and goals into perspective.  Fired up with his enthusiasm I set about writing my own …………. 

The trouble is, that I am not unhappy with my life.  I love where I live, who I share my life with, I love what I do for a living and I have no regrets.  I live now to my max and whatever comes my way that challenges my fancy then that’s what I’ll do.  This makes it really difficult to say, for example, that I travelled the world or lived in the Outback or climbed Mount Everest or any other equivalent as this is not what does it for me!  I do love to ski but negotiating black runs doesn’t do it for me either as I am more the serious social skier.  Hic! 

However, I do have that book or three that I am planning to write; and one day I would like to see it (or them) published.  This is something that I have been challenged with since I met a guy called Alan Taylor, who started at Debenhams Guildford at the same time as I, back in September 1980.  He was writing a fictional fantasy not dissimilar to Gormenghast.  In fact he introduced me to Peake, Tolkein and Donaldson’s work, for which I will always be truly grateful. 

And so … “she lived each moment for the moment, everything had to be done now or not at all.  She learnt loads from others and relished in that.  Her greatest accolade is not what she achieved but the number of people she touched with her enthusiasm and encouragement.  She did, of course, have her best seller – for a while.  This touched many others.   

She will be remembered in her adopted town of Weymouth quite fondly as a staunch business advocate for Southwest Dorset and Lady Town Mayor.  Latterly she undertook the Wanderer’s role for the Dorset Echo, a position that had not been filled since the late Stiv departed.  She and she loved that role. Hic!”

Tell us; how would you like your epitaph to read?

I have today found a great website by Tim Sheppard.  A name that has significant meaning for me from my past; I am feeling very reminiscent at the moment.  I guess, that is, having just turned 45; I am now, half way through my life. 

Tim was the name of my first ‘real’ boyfriend who was good friends with a guy called David Sheppard aka Dinky.  He married my friend Patsy, had two kids and lived happily ever after. 

I digress: back to Tim Sheppard’s great website.  It is a story tellers dream and it does come up top on a Google search for story telling.  In particular please do spend the time to read this insightful piece by the most famous American story teller of all; Mark Twain

…. http://www.timsheppard.co.uk/story/dir/twain.html  

And I pause …. Of course, when I am writing I can pause in any number of ways:  the colon as here, or the semi, a comma, or indeed a series of dots – what are they called?  Oh yes, and the dash!  The question that Twain now awakens is what punctuation depicts the right pause length?  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHSlyyzUR78 

Please carry on telling me your great stories or indeed debate with me what Twain dictates.  If, however, you don’t like sharing, yet love my Blogs, then click on comment and RSS to get an automatic update when I have posted something new.

This Blog is about ironic trope – I know WHAT?  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trope_(linguistics)  It’s a figure of speech, or a play on words that has persuasive power. 

I asked my husband what he thought was meant by the term Flaming June.  For him, June is the height of summer.   

If you check it out on Google you get Fredrick Leighton’s glorious piece of art:  http://www.art.co.uk/asp/sp-asp/_/pd–10019635/sp–A/Flaming_June_c1895.htm 

For me it has a completely different connotation. At the beginning of the month, the dishwasher broke down; I duly sourced another from the internet which was delivered 5 days later, only to find it was the plumbing at fault not the dishwasher itself.  However, I now have a nice new and shiny dishwasher! 

A week or so later at 5.30 in the morning I jumped in the shower, screamed and leapt back out again.  Three visits later, the boiler man, has yet to discover the cause of the problem.  However, it turns out that we have an emersion heater that was quickly put into working order by a really good and decent electrician friend for the price of a beer! 

Week three and the vacuum cleaner stopped working – phew I wept in relief!  That’s the third thing.  Plus, I hate vacuuming; any housework actually! 

Then driving home on Friday to meet the plumber for the fourth time, broke down, called the AA out, to be informed that there was a hole in the clutch pipe.  (I am sure there is a technical term).  I have yet to discover the ‘that’s great’ response to this piece of fate, especially as the cost is close to £600! 

I lost internet connection on Saturday – does that mean only one more financial encumbrance looming.  Flaming June!  

However, I have found this great trance track … http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZlLIEAiJR8  

What do you reckon to Flaming June? 

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I have spent this weekend clearing out oodles of paper that I have stored over the years.  The recycling men are not going to be impressed with the extra work from me this week!! 

Hidden away amongst training notes and other erroneous documents that I have saved over the years, I found several testimonials about my own work.  These are ones that I have not asked for but had been given willingly by the sender. 

I had forgotten that I kept them but having read them, realised why.  I couldn’t believe that it was really me they were talking about?

 It is well known that the power of a testimonial can have an equal effect on one’s client base – and yet if you are anything like me, you fail to use these wonderful testaments to your worth. Is it a British thing? 

Of course a testimonial can be as damaging as useful, if it is considered to be part of a sales ploy.

“Satisfied in Cambridge” is unlikely to win over any hearts and minds.  However, if the writer of your testimonial is related in some way to your target reader then it lends considerable creditability.

So when using testimonials to support your sales pitch, do ensure you have permission to use the authors name, their position, their company (if B2B) and their geographical location.  To add further kudos you might consider adding a link to their website.  If there is a reciprocal link – better still.

If a customer thanks you verbally for the work you have done for them – as part of the acceptance process; ask them what specifically was so good.  If they can qualify their praise, ask them, whether they would be prepared to endorse their own recommendation for your promotional purposes, if you put it in writing?

I know, I know – it’s easier said then done but then, if someone has gone to the trouble of thanking you for good work done, it is likely they actually want you to do well.  Not to mention it is quite rude not to accept a compliment.

One of the best I have ever read was one that was part of Tony Robbins sales team in an envelope.  This newspaper cutting covered what is obviously one of Robbins’ biggest objections for attending his sell out seminars - the walking on hot coals thingy.  The author spoke of his scepticism for the need to walk on hot coals, especially when he was asked to sign a disclaimer for any injury he may incur.  Nevertheless he did the hot coal walk and lived to tell the exuberant tale with healthy feet to boot.

I have heard that volume of short testimonials is important.  I disagree!  A few that tell an important story will work better than many with general compliments.

I leave you this week with the whole reason for getting it in writing ….

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIqwN9YgVxM  

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Those of you, avid readers, of my Blog might be wondering if I am on holiday again.  Alas no!  I have Blog Block.

And, of course, as soon as I realised this, I thought - hey I’m on to something!  This is another of those words/phrases for the alternative Oxford Dictionary or the MacMillan Dictionary whoever picks it up first.  A bit like the ‘new word’ WAGS  (wives and girlfriends) which of course is in particular reference to Footballers!

http://www.macmillandictionary.com/New-Words/060619-WAG.htm

However, I am not going to make my fame in this respect, as following my usual trawl around You Tube I found this!

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbkmgUqICH8

 Huh!

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Last year I read a rather battered version of John Gray’s “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”.

It landed in my lap at a time that couldn’t have been more significant. My husband and I had had a lengthy and somewhat heated argument over maps and the directions on how to get to the lovely Ligurian Coast in Italy, from Milan.   The actual argument lasted three days and the ongoing repercussions; three – six months, roughly!

The significant learning point is that we (men and women) do speak very different languages. What I say, and my husband hears, can be often miles apart. A bit like where we ended up and where we should have been!

On this occasion I thought I was asking him to stop and look at the map with me, to determine where we were, and to work out how to programme the Satellite Navigation System (the technophobe that I am).

What he heard was he had taken the wrong route and added an hour to our journey; that I didn’t trust him to take the right route later on. He heard that I was unhappy with him and therefore no longer loved him.

His subsequent response was that we were going in the right direction now and that there was no need to stop and check the map.  Of course what I heard was; what are you so upset for?  You are being irrational.   I know I am right and you are wrong so stop causing these arguments as I no longer love you.

I have, over the last six months, put some things that I learnt from this book into practice, with some reasonable results. However, there is no way I would ever be able to get my husband to read it, let alone adopt any of the communication tips that might motivate or encourage me, a woman.

Thankfully, it would appear that if only one person makes a change to the words that they use, there is still a knock on effect. If one person feels acknowledged and appreciated it makes them more likely to acknowledge and appreciate the other.

My questions for today are:

• Are there any men that have read this book? If you did; what positive (or negative) affirmations have you had?

• How many women have read this book without passing it on to their man, like me and if so why?

• How many of either sex can’t be bothered either way?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ueUOTImKp0k

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In his fascinating article Steve Mckee describes how the following five words Quality, Value, Service, Caring and Integrity should never be used in an advertisement about your business and why. www.businessweek.com/smallbiz/content/jun2006/sb20060607_197154.htm 

This reminded me of a small group coaching session by Jennie Bayliss of Red Dandelion http://www.reddandelion.co.uk/   She asked us to visualise our business as a vehicle.  As she went round the room asking for feedback; the answers were all the same (brand name excepting).  The vehicles were all top of the range, quality motors.  Why because they were top notch quality yet good value for money, great service, with excellent after sales care etc etc you get the picture? There was one exception.  This delegate described her vehicle as a bus.   

Woah!  Attention grabbing moment!   

“My business is one that people can get on and off at whatever point in their business development journey they like.  Every bus has a destination; the one that I am driving might not be going in the direction you want to be heading in right now.  So like any good bus driver, I can tell you the number of the bus that you do want to take. 

The great thing about my bus is that it is on one of the most popular routes.  So there are plenty of like minded business people taking the journey together with me.  However, if you do get on my bus by mistake you can quite easily jump off at the first stop and get on another which is heading to a more appropriate direction.” 

The message is clear; when you are promoting your business, think about the words you are using, as the ones you do use need to differentiate you from the crowd. 

What messages is this lady giving about her business? 

And finally, I just had to find something appropriate and here it is from you tube for this week!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeeOPR8bxac

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This Blog is further to an earlier one http://thehiddenedge.blogwessex.com/2007/03/30/its-time-for-saying-goodbye/ where I mentioned how important it was to say goodbye properly! This one is based on a simple thank you!

My husband often says ‘you are the best!’ Ok that’s kinda nice but the best at what?

Washing his socks? Ironing his shirts? Making the bed? Cooking tea?

Or is it something else much more important that that? Who knows, only him! Come to think of it - how does he know?

When you are saying thank you or well done! Do make sure that the recipient knows why you are saying it. Even though you might think it is obvious, the receiver may not. The power behind the substantiating words is so much more than the two preceding ones.

Think about it! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xf-VSVqXgzU

• When has someone said to you “well done for …”

• “You are the best because …”

• “Thank you for …”  How special did it make you feel?

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At some point you can’t write off bad behaviour as ‘just’ personality differences.  It’s about different underpinning values and beliefs. 

Personal values influence all parts of your business from paying taxes and keeping the books, to hiring, firing and retaining people, to quality and service.  As a business owner or manager, you are your business.  All business decisions are underpinned by your values. They are what motivate you to do what it is that you do.  They set the standards for your business. 

Knowing and understanding the values of those who work with you, in or on your business is also important.  People will always be more committed to their own values and are thus happier and more active, as values give energy, direction and meaning.  And if they work in synch with your values then synergy ensues.

For some, values may change over time and what motivates them today may not be what motivates them in the future, however, some differences (and in some cases similarities) can make it difficult for some people to work together.   Thomas C Ritt Jr. Ritt identified eight key values that apply to working together with people in business.  They are: 

Aesthetic  A desire to value beauty, make things attractive and feel free to be artistic; a desire for harmony with people, places and events; sensitivity to and perception of the nuances that contribute to creativity.   Humanitarian 

A need to find opportunities to give time, talent and money sometimes placing others’ needs above own.  A wish to be helpful and without the guarantee of personal gain.  

Individualistic 

A need for personal freedom and self determination, self reliance, self confidence and a willingness to take risks. 

Materialistic  

A desire to work hard, keep score by acquiring money and possessions and have a return on one’s investment.  

Power-seeking 

A wish for control, recognition, and ego satisfaction, more than financial gain; hard working and willing to be accountable. 

Ritualistic 

A need for structure, rules and a niche in which to feel secure; usually exemplified by high ethical standards and working in an organised way . 

Spiritual 

A belief in a higher power and using faith to transcend reason; striving for unity with people, desiring to be of service to others and see the good in everyone.  

Theoretical  

An insatiable desire for knowledge and understanding how things work; a desire for intellectual challenges and propensity for incisive decision making.  

Activity Tips 

1.  Prioritise the values that underpin the ethos of your business. 

2.  Consider how you communicate those business values to each other and the world.

3.  Ensure that others working with you in or on your business buy into or at least appreciate your values. 

These are three important activities that you may not wish to share in this Blog but the more open with your communication the better people will understand you. 

Try it and let me know how you get on.

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I was introduced to the concept of Edward de Bono’s six thinking hats about 15 years ago.  A training company had done a three day senior management course on Leadership and at the end gave us a yellow beret and a black beret.

The trainer asked each of us to put the yellow beret on and tell the group about one great thing we were going to do differently as a result of this training course.  The yellow hat denotes positive outcome thinking.  We were then asked to take off the yellow beret and replace with a black one.  The black denotes critical but NOT negative thinking.  This time we had to think about things that we hadn’t got out from the training that perhaps we had expected to.  This was our opportunity to feedback to the trainer.

So entranced was I by these props in helping us to communicate these specific thoughts I immediately purchased the book so I could find out the power in the other thinking hats.  I have been a fan of de Bono ever since. http://www.edwdebono.com/

What I like best about this model is that whilst other psychologists have identified that we have preferred ways of thinking and communicating, de Bono has created a way for us to easily tap into all of the thinking styles even if we have a preferred style.

He uses a White hat for general left brain thinking which focuses on systems and processes and a Blue hat for general right brain thinking which looks creatively at the whole picture.

Then there are four further thinking hats:

Yellow for positive outcome thinking.

Black for critical thinking.

Red for legitimately expressing ones feelings about something, whether this be a positive or negative feeling, an insight or a gut feeling.

Green for encouraging creative thought.

Ok so far so good!  My senior team at the time of this discovery had identified that they had a combined general trait to think with their red hats on.  So we agreed to use these props to help us to learn how to build a better business through better thinking.  Here are the steps we used to consider a new course of action.

1.   We would use a Blue hat to consider an overall aspect of direction in which we thought we ought to go in. 

2.   We would then put green hats on to consider all our options (brainstorming)

3.   Then we would put black hats on to critique the options generated.

4.   Having ruled out the nonsense routes, it was time for some yellow hat thinking to get some positive outcomes.

5.   The white hat then comes into play to identify the systems and processes which allow the outcomes and activities.

6.   And finally the red hat was used liberally throughout for team members to legitimately say how they felt about an aspect of the discussion.  However, positive or negative the feelings, they were legitimate and so considered throughout the thinking process.  If someone were to have a red hat on for too long however, they were asked to take it off?  That gave the thinking process time to work its way through to a positive conclusion.

Each thinking style has a significant and positive contribution to the thinking process. 

As a team we used this method for thinking through our problems with some significant successes.  Our results were (in all but one of the six key performance indicators) better than all other regions. 

I do have my own set of six berets now and whilst I did have an opportunity to share this learning when I was a trainer – it is now very rare that I have the opportunity to let people in on the creative brilliance of de Bono’s thinking process. 

If anyone has any other experiences that they would like to share please do so.  It would be great to hear about how you have used the thinking hats in other circumstances.  de Bono subsequently wrote a book on the six action shoes but that is a blog for another time!  

While you think about it check out this amusing video clip of “wherever I lay my hat” done with mine http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zpKrOxoqec  

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